So, I’m sitting here in the Praça da Liberdade catching some winter sunshine. An old man walks over and sits down right beside me. The cellphone rings. He takes it out of his pocket. Opens it, listens, says goodbye, hangs up.
“My daughter. It’s the second time she’s called me today. Don’t know why. She doesn’t give a damn about me! Kids grow up and forget about their parents. My other one comes back home once a year. You know when? January—to bring over the dog for me to take care of while she goes traveling. Laila is the little girl, my granddaughter. Nine years old. Every month, the day I get my check, I go out and buy a few things and take ‘em to her. Not that she needs anything. My daughter and son-in-law are well off. Both have good jobs. They have an apartment, a car… The girl has it all. But I bring her a few things that she likes, or money to buy it for herself. Yesterday, I brought over forty bucks. But I forgot to leave it with the maid. I’ll take it over again, this time when she’s at home. Next week they go travel. They travel a lot. They never remember to take me along though. They could invite me. But I wouldn’t go, because of the knee. But it would make me happy. I raised all four of them you know. Alone. Not complaining. But it’s hard! Takes hard work. Concern… It’s expensive. I was a civil servant. Didn’t make much. And I ran around all day. Brought them to school, took them to the park, to the doctor’s, the dentist. They forget, huh? I’m talking too much. I live alone. I have no one to talk to. I go down from my apartment. I talk to the doormen. Now the landlady forbade the doormen to talk to me. She doesn’t put up with me wandering around the front door. Eight old ladies live in my building. They don’t talk to me. They pick on me about everything I do. They must think I’m some kind of bum. Because I don’t have a job. They must think I live alone because I’m bad, separated from my wife, abandoned my family. And that’s why no one comes to see me. Nobody likes me. Right! They should think for a minute. I’m no bum. I’m retired. In Brazil, they call retirees bums. I worked for 35 years. I raised my children alone. Father and mother. I didn’t leave my wife. She’s the one who left home. With a judge. The children stayed with me—by order of another judge. The oldest was six years old. My wife was beeeeeeautiful! She cheated on me. I didn’t have a clue. I didn’t see anything. We don’t ever see. She was beeeeeautiful!! She only went out with wealthy men. Big cars. I’ve said too much. I live alone. I hardly come here. Because of the knee. It hurts too much. I gained weight. Lack of exercise. Because of the knee. Today I took the bus down. The apartment is too cold. No sun. The people in the front side facing the street get a little sun, but the back… The doctor says we need to get sun. Sun is medicine. It has vitamins that you don’t get in any food, or medicine. We need to get sun. I used to go down and sit in the square. But there’s no sun there either. And the wind… They say two things kill us: wind from behind of us and mother-in-law ahead of us. (Laughs). I’ll see if I come over here more often. In the afternoon. There’s a bus that drops me off right there. Right over there. On the way back, there’s a bus stop almost at my front door. I don’t have to walk a lot. More than seven years I’ve suffered with his knee. Tomorrow I will get my knee drained. My cousin did it. Over a year ago. She says it’s improved a bunch. I’m waiting to operate. It was supposed to be operated on. Five years ago. I have no one to stay with. I live alone. I pay rent. I spent more than five hundred bucks a month on medicine every month. We retire, our salary fade away… I’m from the federal system. Better retirement benefits than teachers get. But it’s not enough. Everything goes up every day. The salaries of retirees, frozen. And when it does raise, it’s just a tad. Can’t do anything with it. An elderly nurse charges a hundred and thirty a day. Need to repose after a knee operation. About thirty days. 30×130… Then comes physical therapy. My youngest daughter told me to wait. Until January. She takes vacation time off. And she’ll come stay with me. Wait until January… See how it all turns out until then. The psychologist told me that I forgot about me. I only lived for my kids. Today, they’re all well off. And I have nothing. That’s what she says. Not even an apartment I remembered to buy for myself. But our kids are our kids, right? I was a father and mother. Public official. Everyone’s graduated now, Thank God. Married. Very well off. They all have apartments, cars… travel a lot. I have a granddaughter who lives in the United States. She’s happy there. She has a beauuuuutiful baby girl. My great-granddaughter. The sweetest little thing… But they live way over there. They hardly ever come here. I’m talking too much. I don’t like to live alone. Nobody talks to me in the building. Besides the old broads it’s mostly students, boys and girls from the interior. They go out in the morning, come home at night. There’s a girl who comes by sometimes. She moves me. 23 years old. Beauuuuuutiful. She says I’m her friend. The love of her life. I told her that I was falling for her. Because of the way she treats me. The things she says to me. She got offended. She said that she takes back everything she said so far. I thought she really liked me. Like the way I like her. Now, she passes me by all quiet. Doesn’t say hi to me anymore. With her beautiful smile and her joy. She didn’t have to be like that. She could have talked about our differences. But I thought she liked me. They say that the mistake was mine. This town’s full of handsome men, young men with cars all over. And she is beauuuuuuutiful. Why would she want to be with me? Kiss my lips… Love comes through the eyes and mouth. That’s why prostitutes don’t kiss. Yeah! I was silly. But she is beauuuutiful. And she told me some things… in her little way… I thought she felt like I do. Eh! It was silly of me. She’s like my wife, beauuuutiful! Only goes out with rich men. Big fancy cars. The church pastor comes by every night in a big car. He picks her up in his car, for bible studies. They come back later. Sometimes she goes upstairs. Sleeps with the guy from upstairs. She is beauuuutiful! Like my wife. (….) I don’t like to live alone. I have a phone. My daughter says to call if I need anything. I can still take care of myself at least. But if we get sick… Unconscious people don’t speak, don’t call on the telephone. Last week there in my building, an old lady, 92 years old, fell down in the bathroom. She lived alone. They found her three days later. Dead. She had kids too. All graduates. Good jobs. Apartment in Belvedere. They paid rent for her. Brought her things. But she lived alone. No place for her in their house. There’s no place for us in our kids’ houses. I never had lunch at my kids’ place. They say I should. I should go. I don’t ever go. They never invite me. I’m talking too much. I live alone… Now it’s warmed up. It’s good here in this square. I’ll come over here more often. In the afternoon. I’ll take the bus. I’ll come by.”
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