The question of the relationship between men and their children outside of marriage or after separation is very characteristic. Too often, the bond between men and their children is infirm. Men have an affair with a woman and within an affectionate erotic bond, or just an erotic one, have sexual relations with her. She gets pregnant and sometimes he wishes her to abort. It is inside of her which that life, that being is developing. Usually the woman develops an affectionate bond with the pregnancy, with the being that she feels or knows is living inside of her, developing.
It is well and easy for the man to ask her to have an abortion. It isn’t he who will carry this mark for the rest of his life. If the pregnancy goes through to the end, it will be the woman who feels that life within her, who has to release it at the time of delivery, who will feed it and who will almost always take precautions with the child at least during its first years of life – and many times throughout the entirety of the childhood.
Men are the providers who are more or less involved emotionally, often uncomfortable with the presence of their children who disrupt and hinder the couple’s sex life. In addition to this, the intense emotional bond the woman holds for their child often arouses jealousy in men, rivalry and feelings of being excluded. When the child is had outside of the marriage, men sometimes spend minimal time with the child, either because the “lawful wife” does not know of the child, or because she is afraid that through contact with the child the man will gain new sexual opportunities with the former girlfriend.
When the woman asks to separate, the man often tries to punish her, tries to difficult the alimony, becoming silent with the child or even losing interest altogether with their children. “If you do not want me as a husband I will leave you to suffer raising the children alone. I was even a good dad, but if you do not want me, I will not take care of the kids so that you may not see other people in peace”.
I have observed this phenomenon many times. Many parents only remain parents while they live with their children. When they begin to live in separate houses – even if it was he who wanted the separation – he ‘forgets’ that he has children, or treat them with distance and a lack of commitment.
Beyond this, men’s education is severely flawed in respect to their future children. Girls, even when very small, care for dolls, as if they were rehearsing in fantasy motherhood. Men play with cars or sports. Mothers program their sons to have little to do with their own future child, it’s as though their saying in between the lines: ‘Raising children is women’s business.’ I suppose most parents think that their son will develop homosexual tendencies if they play with dolls, rehearsing future caretaking of babies and children.
Latter on when the adult male wants to only take care of his car or hang out with friends and play sports, women become irate with the male’s omission in respect to their children. But do you think that this same woman who complains will teach her little boy to take care of babies, as in “playing with dolls”? What son has ever got a toy baby birthday present? Maybe this question arouses a smile in the reader, because our macho-man ways are very well ingrained…
Fortunately, in spite of the majority of mothers not preparing their sons to take care of babies and children, there are many men who are good fathers: caring, responsible, unafraid to appear as a lack of masculinity when taking care of their children with affection and competency. And in the case of marital separation, remain lucid; assume their children in a loving and responsible manner.
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