Reply to the Commentary of the reader Adriano

Reader’s Commentary posted by Adriano to the Article: “Feminine Promiscuity”:

Dear Carlos,

I see you’re a feminist. Not because most of your clients are women, but I’ve noticed that you generally have a poor concept regarding men. Do you really think a man can be happy in a purely promiscuous lifestyle, without any real depth in the relationship? Do you think that a “house full of women” is where you’ll find happy men? Do you imagine that the Don Juan and Casanova types are the prototypes for male happiness?

Author’s reply:

I don’t know how you define a feminist. I have been made immensely happy with the women in my life and I am very grateful for all that I could receive in living with them. Of course I’m not always happy in these relationships, but the eventual suffering is the price you pay for the risk of living. In any case, I have more girl friends than male friends. If your idea of being a feminist means believing that men and women have equal rights, then yes, I am. I do not know if the men who frequent prostitutes are happy, but if they are paying for the service it must be because they see some gain in it. I think the dream of most men is to have all the women they ever wanted without having to pay for it. Maybe they become unhappy with a call girl because in the end they are paying her, because he knows that she was not seduced or won over. It is a heavy blow to the male self-esteem. According to published reports of prostitutes – see for example “Diary of Marise”, by Vanessa de Oliveira – a large part of the clientele are married men. I personally think that most men would prefer a steady wife, the security of a home and other eventualities, without all the tension and secrecy.

The main difference I see between men and women on this issue is that women almost always want erotic and emotional involvement, even if it is just with a lover. And rarely keep an affectionate and erotic bond with two different men for long periods of time. They tend to opt for reserving their deeper feelings for one partner only and not always  do they keep the other bond for reasons of affection, but for other interests: economic, practical, because they have children together, etc. Most men take pleasure in almost purely erotic entanglements anyway, without affection, or with little affection and without obligations. For most women the word commitment warms the heart. For many men, especially if you already have a steady someone, commitment means the absence of freedom, imprisonment, and even patrimonial and financial risk. For most men, having a steady partner and also being able to count ten different adventures with other women over the year is a source of glory. Based on my knowledge of women so far, I would say that for a woman to have done the same deeds would not make her feel happy. Usually women have multiple partners along a year’s time because they are seeking a safe haven, or are looking to replace their main relationship altogether, or are looking for someone who are a complement for some major deficiencies.

 As far as me having a terrible concept of men, that is an understatement. I am a man, heterosexual in every way, and do not consider myself a terrible human being. I’m not alone on this. But it was not me who invented the fact that almost all rapes are from male offenders, that allmost physical violence between couples is by males, that most of the prison population is male. We can say that the male, taken from a global viewpoint, doesn’t have such a ‘clean sheet’. I am not ashamed of being a man, never. I’m very proud. But I still think men have a lot to improve.