Self control and surrender or free expression are two opposites inside of us. The excess of one or another makes us lame, unbalanced. There are those who have difficulty in perceiving and expressing what they feel. Sometimes it is necessary to learn to feel with intensity. For some the way is to learn to cry. Sadness that is contained, suffocated, or frozen needs to melt, brim over, and spread itself over the self. This is experienced as a relief, a release, a broadening within one’s self. However, he who has kept himself contained for too long a time might exceed into the opposite, immerse so deeply into sadness that coming back to the surface becomes difficult.
If the excess of self control can turn a person dry, arid, on the other end the excess of surrender would drown him. Those who don’t know when to stop crying, who can’t manage to stand upon firm ground, after having been in a river of tears has surrendered too much, abused. Feelings can be blind forces inside of us. They can devour, consume and enslave us. It is necessary to discover within us a centre, a point of equilibrium. Like a pendulum, we can oscillate between self control and surrender, but the central place cannot be lost.
He who has inhibited his own self defense, his capacity to fight, for years or decades, needs to unblock himself, needs to learn to speak his mind, to feel, to want. To put limits upon one’s self and be daring, take risks, and go forward and seek out your desires. However we have here the danger of being impulsive, of blind egotism, of being out of control. A person overly inhibited in the past can with time turn excessively aggressive, angry, a devourer, the kind that would run you over without looking back. Anger contained for too long can transform into the incapacity to accept limits, causing frustrations. The person might think that after being repressed for so long will now get what he wants by putting others up against the wall, or through violence.
If we can first find objectives, goals and ideals by which to live by, we can give direction to our emotional lives. A goal is a commanding force within us. Being in function of that which we desire means that we must discipline ourselves so as to know when to use freedom of expression for what we feel and when we should control ourselves, to contain. We live in society. The freedom of expressing our feelings isn’t always compatible with the situation we have to face. Joy of self expression needs to be counterbalanced with the joy of knowing how to be in charge of you, capable of effort, discipline, to achieve that which is difficult and hard working.
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